We all have to work. I know. It’s the worst. But even worse is sitting around a conference room table and having to listen to everyone drop the same old tired business phrases and awkward jargon that makes you want to sink down into your chair and start counting down the days to the next long weekend. Do you have Veterans Day off this year?! Dang it! Regardless, here’s the 24 most annoying work phrases that can basically be turned into one giant drinking game. Get out your Bingo cards!
1. Let Me Circle Back
Circle back? Suddenly you’re a wiz at geometry?! I believe “circle back” comes from the Latin phrase that is loosely translated to: “You won’t be hearing from me again unless you email me about it 3 more times…and even then I’ll most likely ignore you.” I could be paraphrasing.
2. Let’s Discuss This Offline
I’m sorry, we’re in a physical real-life-in-person meeting right now. This isn’t a chatroom. We’re not going offline. Unless this is a chatroom meeting right now in which case, A/S/L?
3. We’ll Circle the Wagons
Ugh more circle work? Circle back. Circle the wagons. Shapes everywhere. Unless this meeting is taking place at the O.K. Corral, leave the wagons at home.
4. Move the Needle
For when you can’t find a phrase to say, “Like, make things way better.”
5. Drink the Kool-Aid
Are adults even drinking Kool-Aid these days? I don’t know one single person who is and suddenly and entire company is doing it? Stop. Fiiine, I’ll have the grape.
6. Let’s Get All Our Ducks in a Row
Why? You’re selling financial services, so find other words to describe the fact that you’re basically stalling for time until you’re ready to give an answer/start working and stop playing Tic-Tac-Toe directly in Google. Three in a row!
7. It Is What It Is
Just another innovative way to say, “I don’t really have any more ideas and to be honest I wasn’t really paying attention.”
8. Low Hanging Fruit
The same people that really want you starting picking the low hanging fruit are the same ones who are popping Kit-Kat’s out of the vending machine all-the-live-long-day.
9. You’re Not Really Comparing Apples to Apples
Right. I’m not. I’m talking about “not fruit” in this example.
10. At the End of the Day
Please. “At the end of the day” I won’t be here. Hopefully. Fine, I’ll stay for one more hour.
11. Throw Them Under the Bus
“We’re not going to throw them under the bus.” Right. You’re not. Because if you do you will literally serve actual jail time. Also, who takes the bus anymore?!
12. Gone are the Days
Suddenly everyone speaks like they’re delivering the Gettysburg Address.
13. Keep Me in the Loop
No really, don’t.
14. Can I Pick Your Brain?
Of course you can’t. That would literally kill me. You can ask me some questions, but that’s as far as I’ll let it go. Can I tickle your heart?
“Sorry, can I ask a quick question?” “Sorry, I just wanted to say…” Apologize for picking someone’s brain (and get a lawyer), but stop apologizing for everything you say before you say it. Sorry if that seemed harsh.
16. It’s a Real Win-Win
This is a real stop-stop.
17. Let’s Socialize This
Totally. Let’s do it! Myspace everything!
18. Does That Make Sense?
Um, yeah it does. Because you basically said to me that you need that report by noon. So, thanks to the magic of my eyesight I know when it’s noon. Totally get it. Thanks for the extra follow up.
19. A Lot on My Plate
Everyone has a lot on their plate…at dinner. At work you’re just really super busy.
20. If I Can Get My Boss’ Blessing
Because ‘at the end of the day’ you really work for the Pope.
21. Think Outside of the Box
You know what’s really thinking outside the box? Not thinking outside the box.
22. Is it Pronounced “Gif” or “Jif?”
Everyone has a theory but, really, who cares? Just keep sending cat ones all throughout the day.
23. It’s Not Rocket Science
Of course it’s not. You work at a bank. So unless you’re always helping people withdraw rockets…stop it.
24. …And It’s Going to Go Viral
Right. Everything goes viral. 100 people shared it…we totally got it to go viral. Ugh. People.