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Working In An Office Doesn’t Have to Be Hard. That’s What She Said…20 Lessons From Michael Scott

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The Office first aired 10 years ago and we haven’t been able to pass up a good “That’s what she said” joke since.  Check out some of the best advice we’ve received from the World’s Best Boss…

1. How to handle annoying co-workers:

Michael Scott: “If I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”

2. How to handle gambling:

Michael Scott: Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody.

3. How to handle racism in the workplace:

Michael Scott: Hi, I’m Michael Scott and I’m in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania. But, I’m also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because ‘Today is Almost Over.’ Abraham Lincoln once said, “If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North,” and those are the principles I carry with me into the workplace.

4. How to handle bad luck:

Michael Scott: I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

5. How to handle accidents in the workplace:

Ryan Howard: [talking about Michael hitting Meredith with his car] Did this happen on company property?

Michael Scott: Yes. It was on company property with company property, so double jeopardy. We are fine.

Ryan Howard: I don’t think you understand how jeopardy works.

Michael Scott: Oh, right. I’m sorry. What is “We’re fine”?

6. How to handle personal goals:

Michael Scott: Finishing that 5K was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I ate more fettuccini Alfredo and drank less water than I have in my entire life. People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit. Well, today, I had a triumph of the human body. That’s why everybody was applauding for me at the end, my guts and my heart. And while I eventually puked my guts out, I never puked my heart out. I’m very, very proud of that.

7. How to handle HR:

Michael Scott: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s really not a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.

8. How to keep score:

Michael Scott: Who’s ahead in points?

Pam Beesly: I think they’re even. At various times you gave Jim 10 points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs-up. And I don’t really know how to compare those units.

Michael Scott: Well, check to see if there is a conversion chart in the notebook.

9. How to plan a bachelor party:

Michael Scott: Sort of a guys’ night out. A G.N.O., if you will. A gno. Actually, it’s more of a guys’ afternoon in. A G.A.I.  A gay. [the girls laugh] Not… Not… It’s not gay. It’s just a… It’s a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour-long shower with guys.

10. How to handle social media:

Michael Scott: [writing something down] I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.

11. How to assert yourself:

Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

12. How to plan the company Christmas party:

Michael Scott: [buying booze at a liquor store] All right, now, you’re the expert. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered?

Clerk: Fifteen bottles of vodka? Yeah, that should do it.

13. How to mentor:

Business Student: What do you say to a customer who wants to leave you for the convenience and savings of a nationwide chain?

Michael Scott: I say, “You will miss our service, and I absolutely guarantee you’ll come back.”

Business Student: Has anyone ever come back?

Michael Scott: We don’t want them back. They’re stupid.

14. How to treat others:

Michael Scott: It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.

15. How to appreciate diversity:

Michael Scott: Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.

16. How to handle a loss:

Michael Scott: Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.

17. How to handle on line dating:

Michael Scott:Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

18. How to handle being the victim of a crime:

Michael Scott: And welcome to Crime Aid. “Crime reduces innocence, makes everyone angry, I declare.”

 19. How to be on top of your game:

Michael Scott: I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.

20. How to approach life:

Michael Scott: That’s what she said.

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