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10 Things the News ISN’T Telling You About The Snow in the Northeast

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Ok, who’s sitting in the house with their kids making crafts? I want names.  We’ve been stuck in the house for what seems like months and my house looks like I’ve been robbed.  If you think I’m cleaning up glitter, glue, googly eyes, Popsicle sticks, paper clippings and cotton, you are sorely mistaken.  Bundle up and get outside! There are some great opportunities out there. Here’s a few:

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1.  Let’s face it, pulling out of your driveway/any side street is the closest most of us will ever get to Russian Roulette. Anything from a plow to another human could be coming. There’s no way to know.  Just edge out and hope for the best.

2.  Have a contest to see who can throw the pantyhose filled with rock salt up onto the second story gutters first and make it stay.  Who knew melting ice dams could be a competitive sport?


3.  Take this opportunity to get to know and bond with your neighbors.  Throw a 12 pack into the snow banks (really Mother Nature’s cooler) and snow blow away.  When there are 8 snow blowers running at once, nobody can hear you swearing your head off when the plow comes by and adds a 6 foot wall of compact snow to the end of your driveway.

4.  When else can you jump off decks, first floor windows, the tops of swing sets and slide down garage roofs?  Your backyard literally looks like a ski resort, so go with it.  Ski and snowboard from the comfort of your own home.

5.  Everyone loves a good game of chicken.  You’re driving down a side street with barely enough width for a squirrel and there’s a car coming at you.  There’s only room for one of you.  Good luck everybody.

6.  Find the humor in watching people try to figure out where to put the snow.  It’s great watching grown men spin themselves dizzy with a shovel full of snow.  It’s like Mother Nature’s brain teaser.  Once you’ve solved that riddle, see if you can figure out where to put your barrels for trash day, big shot.

7.  Try to guess the over/under on when the last snow mound in the mall parking lot will melt.  I’m calling August 3rd.

8.  Okayfine.  If you feel compelled to do a craft with your kids, I hear you can make ice cream out of the snow by adding milk, sugar and vanilla extract.  Acid rain is so eighties.  I saw this on Pinterest.  I don’t have Pinterest, so take from that what you will. Google it.

9.  And for the love of God, clear the snow from your cars, shovel out fire hydrants and check on people that may need some help.  If you’re home with the kids for the 32nd time this month, enjoy spending time with them.  You love them, remember?

10.  Oh and Boston gets to have a Yeti, so there’s that.

PLUS:  100 Trashy People From Walmart Who Showed Up Like This [ Swipe Left ]

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