As a wise woman from the Real Housewives of Atlanta once said, “Close ya legs to married men, trash box!” Well now the New York City MTA is taking a lead from Nene Leakes and are focusing their marketing efforts to get guys (and some real popular gals) to keep their legs closed whilst riding the train.
Apparently ridership of the MTA is on the rise and growing faster each and every day, which means that there’s no room to sit especially when there’s some dude who’s just basically spread-eagle and letting his boys air out on a hot summer day. They’re calling this “Man Spreading.” You’re welcome! I once saw a teenage-looking girl sitting with her legs apart on the C train during rush hour, but she actually ended up just giving birth right then and there so all the train patrons gave her a pass. I gave her a approving head nod that really said, “Better here than the prom, eh?” WINK!
Moreover, the MTA is also pissed about people who are sporting backpacks whilst riding the subway. Evidently many backpackers are knocking people over and the like since they refuse to take off said backpack once the train stars choo-choo’ing its way to freedom. By January 2015 the MTA is going to start a brand new marketing campaign and may even make announcements over the impeccable speaker system to remind passengers to take off their backpacks and, of course, keep their legs closed (trash box…bloop!) No word yet if any announcements will be made about the pukers, thieves, ‘blind’ beggars, homeless people with tinfoil hats yelling at me for breathing in their direction and, of course, the mariachi band that takes me by surprise on the regular.
The MTA plans on retiring their “Courtesy is Contagious” campaign slogan and will come up with something a bit fresher. I will, of course, be submitting the following slogan ideas:
Keep Your Legs Closed, But the Crazy Coming!”
Followed by a slight alteration to their current slogan:
Keep Your Legs Closed, You’re Contagious!”