I love the Internet for a variety of reasons, but mostly because it’s filled with celebrity death hoaxes and other information that is most likely not true. This time around, thanks to random people on Twitter, this rumor has made its way to my desk. Apparently, allegedly (don’t sue me) Durex is coming out (pun sorta intended) with a Pumpkin Spice condom just in time for Autumn. Durex hasn’t confirmed or denied that this true, so I’m going to just start a prayer circle in hopes that one day in the near future I’ll be able to wrap my junk in its very own Halloween-themed costume. This really gives new meaning to “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” and a slew of other layup dick jokes.
If you were more bendy you could probably enjoy this Fall treat yourself. Let’s just hope there will be a disclaimer to not stir your coffee with this. Because, you know, I feel like Arkansas will need to specifically be instructed. That is all.
And speaking of Pumpkin Spice, here are our favorite Halloween Cocktails of the season…because sometimes drinking leads to sex. That’s called a “tie-in-joke.”
…because if you’re going to have a co-ed Halloween party you’re going to need a little something for everyone. Flip through our favorite scary Halloween drinks and cocktails that are just as fun to drink as they are to make. Boo! ( Swipe Left)
Candy Corn Milkshake
Because if we can get a non-alcoholic drink recipe for the kids out of the way, we’ll feel better about ourselves. Using a combo of vanilla ice cream, sherbet, whipped-cream, and yellow food coloring you’ll be like a hero in front of your kids and this thing tastes insane. Plus, if you have a buildup of mason jars you can finally put them to good use.
Get the full recipe at KarasPartyIdeas.com
The Classic Witches Brew
Bring your undying love of bourbon to the Halloween forefront and calm your nerves when the doorbell rings tens-of-thousands of times. Use your favorite whiskey and brand of blood orange juice to give things a cool crisp Halloween-orange color. Super refreshing and the orange slice gives you the vitamin C you know you’ve been missing. Silver-lining.
Get the full recipe at Instructables.com
The White Spider
Welcome back gin lovers! A little gin, orange liquor and sour mix can go a long way. Toss in a toy spider, you know, for sport. Or remove the spider and just start making these all year round.
Get the full recipe at What HappensInVenice
The Smokin' Ghost
Because if it’s Halloween, of course, you need your cocktail to look like it’s pouring out thick smoke. Chambord, Blavod, club soda and a slew of other ingredients, this is one of our favorites as it tastes great and is an immediate ice-breaker. Pun sorta intended.
Get the full recipe at JaysCatering.com
The Bride of Frankenstein
Keep it simple and classy. Plus, this will be one of the ladies favorites since it’s a combo punch of sparkling wine (or champagne), Chambord and pineapple juice. You finally have a reason to break out those champagne flutes that you’ve used once and put in the attic. Eh, keep the cobwebs on them, you know, for theme.
Get the full recipe at SMW
The Candy Corn Martini
Let’s face it, there’s only so much candy corn you can eat. What are we talking, like, 10-12 bags over the course of the Halloween season? Put them to good use by tossing them into your candy corn vodka which, yes, does exist. If you have a hard time finding it, just double up on the actual candy corn pieces. The point is getting drunk, right?
Get the full recipe at Dailynoff
How insane does this look? Go out and buy some black vodka now along with some champagne and cranberry juice because this drink is definitely going to be a Halloween crowd pleaser. Plus, who doesn’t want a blood-like substance dripping down their glass (and eventually lips)?
Get the full recipe at JulipMade
If you’re looking for a little something with fizz, we recommend this pumpkin cocktail. Marry your love of Amaretto, OJ and lemon-lime soda (like Sprite or 7-Up). It’s orange and you’ve steered clear of actual pumpkin flavor. Victory.
Get the full recipe at Dailynoff.com
Because, well, it’s time for shots. And who doesn’t want a shot that looks like a mix between an actual storm and part of your brain? If you’re a fan of Bailey’s Irish Cream, you’ll be a fan of this.
Get the full recipe at Instructables