I Want a Pumpkin Spice Condom Because My Penis Needs a Halloween Costume

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I love the Internet for a variety of reasons, but mostly because it’s filled with celebrity death hoaxes and other information that is most likely not true.  This time around, thanks to random people on Twitter, this rumor has made its way to my desk. Apparently, allegedly (don’t sue me) Durex is coming out (pun sorta intended) with a Pumpkin Spice condom just in time for Autumn.  Durex hasn’t confirmed or denied that this true, so I’m going to just start a prayer circle in hopes that one day in the near future I’ll be able to wrap my junk in its very own Halloween-themed costume.  This really gives new meaning to “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” and a slew of other layup dick jokes.

If you were more bendy you could probably enjoy this Fall treat yourself.  Let’s just hope there will be a disclaimer to not stir your coffee with this.  Because, you know, I feel like Arkansas will need to specifically be instructed.  That is all.

And speaking of Pumpkin Spice, here are our favorite Halloween Cocktails of the season…because sometimes drinking leads to sex. That’s called a “tie-in-joke.”
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