Everyone relax! People are going ape shit over Mariah Carey absolutely bombing the hell out of “All I Want for Christmas” at the Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting Special last night on NBC. I knew immediately that something seemed off due to her boob-to-vocals ratio that was playing out right before my very eyes and ears. Although she was pretty much tricking me into thinking it was sounding good because she’d place one finger in her ear like she was about to hit a high note and then use her other hand to make it look like she was magically playing the invisible piano. Sure it was God-awful and at one point I said aloud to my television “Oh good idea with the finger in your ear!” but it’s still Mariah Carey and she may not be able to sing like she did when she was in her early 20’s but, you know what? I don’t look like I did in my early 20’s and neither do you so relax. Imagine being at work and your boss is all, “Um your work is suffering because you don’t have the same ass you did at 25?” Sure this isn’t the same thing, but I’m trying to find the silver lining because it’s Christmas, damn it! Plus, the folks who were protesting in NYC, literally, walked directly by my apartment so it was a nice mix of crappy vocals in one ear and people chanting outside in the other. God bless us everyone!
Here’s the unedited vocals. Enjoy!