Twisty the Clown Makes Me Sleep With the Lights On

I try to pretend I’m a tough guy who isn’t afraid of clowns but, guess what, I’m not a tough guy who is afraid of clowns. Especially when that clown is Twisty the Clown from the new season of American Horror Story: Freak Show.

The season premiere kicked off and by season four I was expecting to no longer be scared by this show.  Here’s the thing, so far nothing is really making me “jump” in a scared way.  It’s just more of this consistent creep-factor that makes me want to lock my door and then put my couch in front of it.  And watch with a bat.  And rosary beads.

twisty-the-clown-american-horror-story

If you’ve seen Twisty the Clown you know exactly what I’m talking about.  First off his face is busted and his teeth take up more facial real estate than Nancy Kerrigan on her best day.  Moreover (so far) he doesn’t speak.  He just lurks whilst not blinking and then suddenly will just, you know, kill you.  Just like he did to that 50’s teen couple “necking” on a blanket during their picnic. The girl assumed her boyfriend ordered her the clown as a surprise (the 50’s were clearly a simpler time).  Within seconds he knocks them both out with his juggling pins and then just stabs the boyfriend to death over and over again.  Looks like no upcoming sock-hop for him!  The girlfriend was then kidnapped and locked away in a cage…with another little boy that Twisty kidnapped as well (after killing the kids parents).

I have to admit the part that freaked me out the most was when it was nighttime and the rusty old merry-go-round was “going-around” by itself ever so slowly and suddenly you just see Twisty sitting on the ride, emotionless, whilst creepy music played in the background.  Later, he lurked by the woods (again, creepily) while the rest of the freaks dismembered a body.  I may or may not have then quickly went to bed, blurting out-loud, “You’re not real, Twisty!”  And then whispered, “I’m just kidding.  Jesus protect me.”